Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
