It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
