Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
