Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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