She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
