If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
