Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
