So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
