so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
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the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
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Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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