Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
