ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
