I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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