I murdered the dance floor call the cops
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
