Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
