I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
