She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
