Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If I die, sorry about rent.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
