think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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