Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
