Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
