i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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