clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
