well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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