I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
