I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
