Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
try to milk me bitch
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