I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
