so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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