Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
