do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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