he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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