I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
