Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
