Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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