if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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