remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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