i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
