I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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