It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
