i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
