I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
