he wants to bone in the snuggie
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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