its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Randomize
