He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
