vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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