I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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