I hate all girls vehemently.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i need an iv and a liver transplant
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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