why didn't you poke me back
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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