I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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