But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
