How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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