After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
did i walk over a car last night?
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Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
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You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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