You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
