I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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