I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
