Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
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That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
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The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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