The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize