Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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