kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
