she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
