i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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