So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
