You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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